7 Signs You're Losing Yourself to Your Relationship

Emily 23/10/2016

I spoke to a client yesterday who came to me because her partner of 2 years had ended their relationship which he called ‘stagnant’. She found herself facing more than just a broken heart. She realised she’d been living someone else’s life for the past 2 years and now faced building her whole identity again.

Ah those glorious heady days of a new relationship! Don’t you just love it when he finally realises just how amazing you are and wants to start spending all of his time with you?

Everything he does makes you laugh or swoon. And you, Girlfriend! Well look at you just being glorious and sexy and interesting! Who needs the outside world when you can have Sunday-Funday in bed with your new favourite human?!

Fast forward a few months, and suddenly yet another Sunday of lolling around in bed, watching re-runs of Downton Abbey (he just can’t get enough of it!) and eating last night’s cold pizza seems less romantic. In fact, it’s all quite boring now. You remember a time you had a life. Or do you?

You my friend, are in danger of losing yourself to your relationship.

Here are 7 tell-tale signs that you are losing yourself to your relationship and why it’s important to take action immediately to rectify the situation.

You see your friends and family less. If you suddenly find yourself forgetting what your best friend looks like, or how your Mum sounds on the phone, then you my friend are pulling a manoeuvre more classic than the Macarena! NEVER sacrifice your loved ones for a man. Men come and go. Your bestie has been in the same toilet cubicle as you on more than one occasion!

You’ve put weight on. Remember when you went to the gym? Or at least tried to curb your doughnut consumption to one a day? And now, because he tells you he loves you just as you are (because he has to) you think it’s OK to put on a couple of extra pounds. No. It’s not. I have lost count of how many women I’ve spoken to who are mid break up and not only facing singledom, but also the overwhelming challenge of losing the 10 kilos that crept on through their relationship. Keep honouring your body! How you treat yourself physically is a mirror of how much you value yourself and therefore, how much HE should value you.

You haven’t attended the Smurf Convention this year. Ok, I’m not sure there really is a Smurf Convention. But what I’m getting at is that if you had a heap of hobbies as a single lass, why would you give them up now? Hobbies (whether it’s dance class, pottery, or meditation) ground the soul. They are an expression of who we are, what we love and how we connect with the world around us. So if your hobby is actually Smurf collecting (rock on by the way) and you haven’t added to your collection since meeting your man, you’re denying a part of yourself.

Work is suffering. When we have no one to run home to, it’s easy to stay behind at work for an extra hour or so to impress the boss or finish that report. Rocking up late in yesterday’s outfit because you favoured spending an extra hour in bed with him over going home to change is NOT a good look. For many of us, we’ve worked our arses off for our professional success. Don’t let that drop by the wayside now.

You move in together. With none of your things. Who doesn’t want the same front door key as the man they love?! But if you find yourself agreeing to give away your favourite armchair because it doesn’t fit in with his décor, you may as well throw the IKEA catalogue out the window and let him make all decisions.

He makes all the decisions. Aaaaannnd now we’re here. If he’s the one choosing your food and what you should wear on Friday night, you are in real danger. It’s cute that you want to please your man, but this level of control raises all sorts of flags. And not the cool chequered ones which signal you’re winning. Red ones. The not good ones.

You excuse him. Instinct is a great thing and something you should listen to. But so are the loud words blasting from your family and friends. If everyone you know has an issue with your partner and you find yourself defending him or excusing his behaviour (or your behaviour in relation to him), then it’s time to take an objective look at your relationship.

The girl your boyfriend fell for had friends (that girl is you by the way. Just to clarify!) She had plans on the weekend and was a busy girl. He had to vie for her attention and this encouraged him to make more of an effort – it was exciting!

The girl he fell for (still you) had a fabulous life, and so she had lots of interesting, funny things to talk about.

She was fun and vibrant and had her own life.

And as lovely as it is to spend lots of time with his new love, she’s a little boring now.

This is dangerous ground babe.

Boredom kills relationships.

I spoke to a client yesterday who came to me because her partner of 2 years had ended their relationship which he called ‘stagnant’. She found herself facing more than just a broken heart. She realised she’d been living someone else’s life for the past 2 years and now faced building her whole identity again.

Here’s the truth. If a guy falls in love with you, he falls in love with all of you. Yes, even the bit of you that collects Smurfs. If he wants to change you, he’s not man enough for you.

And YOU need to be in a relationship with yourself that is so solid that if he’s not man enough, you have the strength to walk away from him and embrace the fabulous life you already have. If you need a little helping hand with that then get in touch here http://bit.ly/1OdgUHS for a free 10 minute chat with me personally.

 

Love, Em x