Christmas is always an interesting time in the dating world, mainly because there’s a shit-tonne of booze flying around (more so than usual) and so office flings start, condom sales go up and hangover regret kicks in.
I know. I did ALL of it.
As did Suzie. Actually, it’s probably best that we bring in Suzie round about now. You know, before my Mum reads all about my colourful adventures as a 20-something singleton living in London!
In her 20’s, going out and getting smashed was heaps of fun for Suzie.
Everything was an adventure, every man a new love affair to have and frankly, her promiscuous lifestyle was heaps of bloody fun.
(Little side note of Mum coming at ya and it kinda goes without saying, but BE SAFE. I know – “whatever!” You already knew that!)
But here’s the thing.
As Suzie started to get her shit together and doing a bit more adulating in all sorts of areas of her life, she realised that her relationships were still totes High School.
She was ready for the real deal but she just wasn’t sure where to start.
She’d been like this for her whole ‘adult’ life and her mates had seemed to effortlessly slip into their (sometimes dysfunctional) relationships without Suzie even noticing.
Was she the only single girl left?
Did she feel like it?
So for a while she kept sleeping around to validate herself, entertaining her friends with wild stories which just got more and more depressing over time.
Eventually, Suzie came to me and I showed her how to put 3 basic principles into practice so that she could stop with the immature, meaningless one night stands and start forging a really beautiful relationship with that special someone who makes her feel safe, understood and worshiped.
Step 1. - She got a life.
Harsh but fair. Here’s the honest truth of it - Getting so smashed she couldn’t remember vast parts of her evening (I did WHAT in the copy room?) was a sure sign that Suzie was relying on the booze for confidence, despite her outwardly appearance of fun, easy-going party-girl.
Real confidence only comes when you do stuff.
So, with my guidance and support (cos new stuff is always a bit scary. I don’t care who you are, nerves are normal!) Suzie went out and did stuff.
She got really interested in life, and so her life became more interesting for her.
She exposed herself to new social networks and took up a new hobby, which gave her heaps more to talk about.
And she felt (and looked) great for getting her arse off the sofa on a Sunday instead of melting to it like cheese because she was too hungover to move.
Step 2. – She realised her worth.
In the process of getting a life, Suzie grew in confidence. (after-all this life of hers was getting more and more fabulous.)
With this confidence, her need for validation through meaningless sex decreased.
Fuck that noise!
She was beginning to realise that she was worth way more than a quick shag and out-the-door by breakfast.
It didn’t make her feel good. She was done with making terrible life choices at various Christmas parties which made her feel embarrassed, ashamed and even more unloved.
She was ready for a grown up relationship. No games.
Or so she thought.
Step 3. - Sex is the end game.
I don’t believe in deceitful manipulation. It’s weird.
But knowing what hard and fast rules apply so that you can build attraction in the early days, is key.
Remember when we were kids and we used to trade cards in the playground at school? The beauty in that game, was getting closer to having a set. That was the fun bit. Not necessarily getting the set (although that was great too) but the building anticipation of getting closer to having a full hand.
And it’s kinda the same with guys. (side note – talking awesome, resourceful men here.) They want to chase you a little.
And you want to be leaving him, wanting more of you. Not leaving him with zero anticipation and therefore less reason to ever call you again because, let’s be honest, he knows now how the night’s gonna end.
It’s a common misconception in the world of women that sleeping with a guy will make him like you more.
He sees value in the things he has to work for. And if all he’s had to do to get you into bed is buy a couple of rounds of drinks and a packet of pork scratching’s, then you’re setting the standard pretty low for yourself babe. And make no doubt about it, he will only value you as much as you value you.
So, if you’re looking for real love and a grown up relationship this festive season, take a leaf out of Suzie’s book and begin to apply these 3 steps TODAY.
If you’re quite happy jumping from one empty, depressing one night stand to the next then rock on. Be safe. Be sensible. Be smart enough to change things before it’s too late!
If you’d like to hear more on the topic of when to sleep with a guy, head to my YouTube Channel and check out this video. And while you’re there, please subscribe. I’ve been largely ignoring my poor You Tube channel (it’s neglected and sad, like Suzie used to be – it needs some consistent, loving attention) but I’m about to start funnelling more and more awesome, funny and useful videos to it so get over there and SUBSCRIBE, WATCH and COMMENT!